S.A.R.A.H.
SPOUSES OF ADDICTS REBUILDING AND HEALING
Affairs, pornography, the internet, betrayal, chat rooms, and the list goes on and on. The devastation and grief experienced by those married to or in families with sexual integrity and sexual addiction issues is
overwhelming. Many suffer in shame and silence as they struggle to cope with the impact of sexual acting out on their marriage and family. The entire family is affected by this destructive cycle. Without intervention, this cycle of destruction can continue for generations.
Spouses of addicts are trauma survivors. The discovery of sexual acting out in your spouse is a traumatic event. According to the research of Dr. Barbara Steffans, 70% of spouses develop symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder upon discovery of their husband’s/wife’s behavior. You deserve to be able to have your wounds treated and healed, regardless of what the addict in your life chooses. We hope that they will choose recovery. Even if they don’t, you don’t have to remain a victim.
The good news is there is hope! Even if the addict in your life will not change, you as a spouse, friend, or family member can still heal and bring about change. S.A.R.A.H. is about that journey.
Rebuilding and Healing
Possible Symptoms of Trauma
This is adapted from a 12-step fellowship called S-Anon. These symptoms often apply to spouses of sex addicts. These are some questions that can help you evaluate where you are in your journey. Please use it as one tool, not an exhaustive list or a diagnostic instrument.
1. Do you have financial problems
because of a spouses sexual acting
out?
2. Do you tell lies to cover up for some
else’s sexual behavior?
3. Do you think that you are responsible
for the behavior of your spouse?
4. Do you make threats and not follow
through with them?
5. Are you afraid to upset your partner
for fear that he/she will leave you?
6. Have you been wounded, hurt, or
embarrassed by the addicts behavior?
7. Do you find yourself searching for
hidden clues that might be related to
the sexual behavior of a loved one?
8. Are you preoccupied or obsessed with
the addicts problems?
9. Are you being sexual with an addict to
prevent him/her from being sexual
with others?
10. Do you find yourself engaging in self
-defeating or degrading behavior?
11. Do you blame yourself for the addicts
problems? Do you believe that if you
looked better, lost weight, had plastic
surgery, etc.. that this would solve the
addicts problem?
12. Do you feel alone in your problem?
